How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
