I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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