Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
