does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
