You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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