this beer tastes like vomit already
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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