if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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