and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
