and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
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I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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