She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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