she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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