It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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