And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
