first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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