I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
