This is not my ceiling
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
