i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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