you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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