eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
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Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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