It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He passed out mid-signature
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
