I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dick very happy bro
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
