You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
