No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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