I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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