Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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