My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
