Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
