I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
