shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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