I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
