did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
