how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
