he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
this will be a night to untag.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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