we have pet lesbian snakes
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I believe in your delicious
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
