he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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