Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
