I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
