He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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