I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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