I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
