you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
