I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
