6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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