I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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