it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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