if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
