grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
