I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize