don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
