Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
