its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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