Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
