I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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