So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he shaved USA in his pubs
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
