I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
