The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
