Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
