(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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