I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize