So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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