somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
