Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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