Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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