and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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