Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So many bounce houses so little time
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
