Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize