I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
