she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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